You smell like a Billy Joel song
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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