Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
