I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
