I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
