so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If I die, sorry about rent.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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