I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
