a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
