I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
