mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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