Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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