i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
