we made out on top of his cat.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
