he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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