the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
