It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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