Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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