honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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