I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
