"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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