I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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