Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am mentally ready for anal.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
