go do what you do best...puke behind churches
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
