Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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