tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
