i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
