I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
