why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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