u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize