If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
