The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
