Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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