dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
