I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
