...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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