I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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