I heard we made out
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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