I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
