I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
