Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
