u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
