i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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