I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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