Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
