Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
