Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
All the doctor said was why
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
