Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
