I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
