I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
