She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
