What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
