her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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