I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
