If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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