If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
