I hate all girls vehemently.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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