he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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