I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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