he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want her autograph on my taint
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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