Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
