Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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