she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
